I Don’t Believe in Gentle Parenting — and Here’s Why

Let’s just get straight to it:I don’t buy into the “gentle parenting” trend — at least not the way social media sells it.

Before you light the torches, hear me out.

Do I believe in being kind to my kids? Absolutely. Do I want to raise them in a home where they feel emotionally safe, heard, and loved? No question. I validate feelings. I talk through meltdowns. I give space for big emotions.

But here’s the hard truth: that version of gentle parenting that’s plastered all over TikTok and Pinterest — the one where you never raise your voice, never say “no,” and calmly narrate every emotional wave like a peaceful robot therapist? That doesn’t work in my house.

It’s not just unrealistic — it’s exhausting. And honestly? Sometimes it feels like it’s doing more harm than good.

I have six kids. Six personalities. Six emotional needs. Six chances for a meltdown before 10 a.m.

Some of them need a hug when they’re spiraling.Some of them need five minutes alone.And some of them need me to look them square in the eye and say, “Enough.”

I’ve tried the soft-spoken approach. I’ve done the whole “let me calmly explain why you shouldn’t throw a shoe at your sister’s head for the seventh time today.” But let me tell you something — some days, they don’t need a discussion. They need a boundary. And they need to know I mean it.

Here’s the part nobody talks about:

Gentle parenting isn’t free. It demands a level of calm and emotional regulation that most of us were never taught. Especially moms like me, who are still healing their own inner child while raising actual children.

Some days, I'm trying to model emotional maturity while I haven’t even had a shower, the baby's screaming, someone’s bleeding, the laundry machine is broken, and no one has eaten anything but crackers and trauma for breakfast.

And yet, I’m supposed to never raise my voice?

Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all journey. And yet social media has created this idea that if you’re not parenting gently, you’re parenting wrong.

But guess what? Sometimes saying no is gentle.Sometimes discipline is love.Sometimes raising your voice isn’t yelling — it’s authority.And sometimes a child needs a consequence, not a conversation.

There’s a difference between being gentle and being passive.And I’m here to say — I will not be a passive parent.

I love my kids fiercely. I will go to war for their safety, their future, and their hearts. And part of that means preparing them for a world that doesn’t always care about their feelings. That means teaching respect, not just requesting it.

That means:

• Saying “no” and sticking to it.

• Following through with consequences.

• Letting them cry sometimes without rushing to fix it.

• Modeling both compassion and authority.

• Owning when I mess up, but not pretending I’m not human.

And no, I don’t need strangers on the internet making me feel like a monster because I lost my temper after cleaning pee off the walls, chasing a toddler with a diaper in his mouth, and finding my pre-teen trying to microwave a plastic spoon.

I’m not perfect. But I’m real.And real moms? We’re doing our best in a world that demands way too much from us while pretending we’re not supposed to snap.

So no, I don’t “gentle parent” by the book.

But I parent with love, structure, forgiveness, boundaries, and grit.

And that’s what my kids need.

Not a perfect mom.Just me — in all my messy, fierce, sometimes loud, always loving glory.

Let’s stop shaming moms for not fitting a mold.We all parent differently — and that’s okay. Your child needs you, not the internet’s version of you.